Thursday, June 25, 2009

i've lost my special friends..

zapppp....dup2 my heart beating..when i heard a news from my special friends. i was very shock..spechless..but i control my self and still can talk to him..about a few weeks do not contact him i buzz him through msg..he reply my msg than we continue..but tonight i felt that the conversation a little bit weird..he quite serious and i reply the msg with jokes..a few questions and answer i feel more weird..then finally i ask him weather he serious or not..then he say that he serious. Actually he said that he want to marry..but don't know how to tell his family.
huh...this special friends i meet him when i study at kolej..he is the friends of my no how to explain..huhu..we are what people call 'kamcing' like a couple but we not couple..just friends.other friends always ask me weather he is my boyfriend but i said not,he is my best friends.
i still remember that first time he give me chocolate.then we go for movies,celebrate my burfday(suprise party).then we become more kamcing. i cook for him. like a couple right?but we focus on study so do not think more than that..janji hati happy..
i also still remember when i got a chicken pop. Doc gave me mc for 2 i plan to go back to my home town so i can get rest. i have to buy a bus ticket but i cannot going anywhere with my fever. After class he buy a a ticket for me then that night he send me to bus station..bring my huge baggasi..huh! Thats why la people said that we are couple.
we still become friend until my convocation day..he did not attend it but he send me a big present at my house.a cute bear inside the box..i just joking that request for the bear, but he really buy it for me..thanks alot.
and for his convocation i buy the present that he request also from me...hehe..not suprise right?thats we are..

Saturday, June 20, 2009

people plan for me

Now i realize that i can do more than what people expect me to do..and because of that thing people always plan and advance things for me.But i'm not ready for it..i cannot said no because it is an order and also the word 'no' can disappoint certain people..huh! i sick of that things. i'm proud if i can do it but i will lost my self confidence if i fail to do that.

it happen to me about 1 year a go..because of my ability can do every task that he gives..he add more and more without asking me what the challenges and problems that i'm facing.he don't know what happen to me, the hardness that i facing everyday..all he want to heard that i finish all the task without any mistakes..then when i try to be honest and tell to him the problem, he refuse to hear i'm alone...doing the task..unfortunately have someone who help me and motivate me..but he cannot always by my side..he also have his own work..until i was overload..pending of a few task..just doing the urgunt task..

Day by day....the pending task increase..but i'm still try to finish the task..also try to tell him ..but he refuse and refuse to hear..for him all those thing that i i try to tell him just an excuses.i try to stand with all motivation that i get from other people around me,but sometimes i felt down and try to climb again.i become tired with the task that i cannot finish..the quality of my task also decrease..

Until one the meeting...he dissatisfied with my task then he bomb me in front other people..he also there.then i feel that i cannot stand anymore.After dismiss i go to toilet then cried..felt down..lost of selt confident..think that what i do is the big mistakes?ho don't want know what the problem that i'm what can i do?i know that he want to teach me on how to be a good to manage to manage time, how to make people respect me. but i think the way he use is wrong..he too straight,too fassy, too cruel that the word i can say..Because he make i lost of my confidence..always afraid that the thing i'm doing is wrong.

finallymy solution for all this things is resign..when i found the right time..i said goodbye although i have to left all my loves one around me..i want to prove that i can accept by other company..that's what i here i'am with other people that also plan things to me..but this people differ from the last one..Yes he also plan for me but i can discuss with him what is my prob...but wroking here make me pasive because i lack of sellf confidence than before.but i stll thank to god because i meet the good people around me..and also meet a new environment..